Published on October 13th, 2017 | by Flipside0
10 Adverts Dove Rejected As ‘Too Conservative’
- A woman gracefully whips off her Klan hood to reveal flawless white skin and a perfect smile.
- A sad black woman applies Dove moisturiser, and immediately becomes white, and smiles broadly.
- A lone white woman stands proud atop a pyramid of women of different skin colours. The darker the skin, the lower they are on the pyramid, but Dove are sure this is pure coincidence, and each descending row of progressively darker skinned women is totally beautiful in their own unique way.
- Two suave black men in suits judge a room of naked white women. All the women have flawlessly perfect skin, but a variety of body shapes. That can’t be racist, right?
- Women line up at the gates of heaven. St. Peter admits only the white women, while anyone whose skin is Greek-or-darker gets cast into the fiery pits of hell…but only because, unlike the white women, they have oily faces – not because of their skin colour, don’t be Surely that can’t be misinterpreted?
- A black man is being chased by neo-Nazis – he outruns them, but gets to a dead end. It seems like all is lost, then he spots a discarded bottle of Dove moisturiser on the street. He manages to squeeze out the last few drops – as the Nazis arrive, frothing with anger, the black man has disappeared, and they’re greeted by a member of the National Front called Dave, who has flawless white skin. He doesn’t hate Muslims, but would prefer it if they all went back home to Islam. Then they all have a party that celebrates diversity.
- Usain Bolt dives into a swimming pool of Dove moisturiser, and emerges as Tom Daley. Much like the execution of his triple-backflip with twist, his skin is also perfect.
- Martin Luther King performs his ‘I have a Dream’ speech. Except the dream is about everyone having perfectly flawless skin, and also he’s white.
- Adele wins first, second and third place in the Black Woman of the Year Award, sponsored by Dove. But she dedicates the second place to Beyonce, so it’s fine.
- We haven’t seen the full pitch yet, but Harvey Weinstein’s directing, so you know it’s gonna be good.