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Published on September 29th, 2017 | by Flipside

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10 Unknown Facts About Hugh Hefner (Number 9 will BLOW YOUR MIND!)

We all know about Hugh Hefner. The Playboy Mansion, the endless stream of women in Bridget Jones costumes, the dressing gown and pipe – and of course those many, many terrific articles. But the Hef had another side to his antics…

1. He was a eunuch

Unbeknownst to all but his nearest and dearest, Hefner had his testes removed as a young boy to preserve his pristine soprano vocals. Legend has it he used to prance around the playboy mansion singing ‘Vissi d’arte,’ from Tosca.

2. He had a pet Parrot

The parrot was called ‘Mommy’, and allegedly Hugh would greet new playmates with a routine where he would force them to, ‘Say hello to mommy and daddy’ before performing a kitsch duet with the parrot, then introducing them to their new, terrible life.

3. He had the world’s biggest collection of human hair

Not content with being a party animal, Hefner also amassed more different individual samples of human hair than anyone else alive. When asked why, he was coy on the matter: “Anybody who’s anybody, I’ve got their hair.”

4. He won a bronze at the Seoul Olympics for synchronised swimming

In the early 50s, Hefner was one America’s most promising young synchronised swimmer, and he could’ve gone on to be a legend, if he hadn’t fallen into the classic career trap of professionally degrading women

5. He great-great-great-great-great-great grandfathered over 40% of North Americans

The Hef’s super awesome rule about never using protection in his weird creepy bang palace means he fathered a lot of children, and we mean a lot. Believed still to be having children all the way into his 598th year of propping up the viagra industry, what’s even more amazing is he managed it having had his testes removed as a child! A truly remarkable man.

6. He only washed on Tuesdays when the moon was full

Despite his trademark dressing gown and air of suave, debonair sophistication and sexual predatory, Hugh Heffy was famously superstitious about when he washed, worried the girls might begin to escape if he took his eye off them too regularly.

7. He could have been a professional tennis player!

He won a junior tournament when he was 8, beating that gross kid Lenny from down the road, and we honestly believe that if he’d worked hard, buckled down and really nurtured that talent, he could’ve just been a slightly sexist tennis pro.

8. If a woman says ‘Hugh Hefner’ three times in a mirror, a skeletal husk of a man will appear behind her and start critiquing her appearance and life decisions.

No one really knows how he managed this, but it sure is a neat trick!

9. He was once Serbia’s tallest dwarf

It’s always the little things that surprise you!

10. He was secretly Christian

Behind the jizz-riddled jacuzzi on the 5th floor of the Playboy Mansion is a hobbit door with the words ‘Keep Out: Alligators.’ Every night, when he was alone, Hugh used to sneak out here, through the door, shimmying across a low crawl space until he got to the secret Playboy Chapel, where he would cry, pray and beg for forgiveness every night, under the watchful eyes of his Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

 

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