Published on December 31st, 2015 | by Flipside0
13 Reasons Why 2015 Was The Year That Broke Satire……
2015 has been one hell of a year. Shit has got fucked up all too often, and satire became hard. Here’s why.
1. Donald Trump: Try and think of a genuinely more inappropriate presidential candidate than Donald Trump. You can’t. Because it’s impossible. Satire cannot harness this man, he will just outdo you in reality. See…literally everything he’s said so far.
2. David Cameron: A dead pigs head joined Samantha Cameron and ‘the poor’ on the illustrious list of things that have got fucked by David Cameron. You literally can’t satirize that.
3.The Labour Party: John McDonell (shadow chancellor) quoted Mao in a public address, Mao killed so fucking many people, what was he thinking? That was a Tory wet dream and he thought he was a genius for doing it. Jeremy Corbyn was called a terrorist sympathiser, for not wanting to engage in a war that the terrorists clearly wanted, and accused of disrespecting veterans when de decided to speak to some veterans. Also, after losing the election, Ed Miliband went to Ibiza.
4. The Gun Debate: Pick a day of the year. Go on, any day. Lots of people were killed in America that day for basically no reason and jokes about it aren’t fun anymore, because there’s zero chance of change. GO AMERICA!
5. Air strikes: Bomb for safety! Bomb for peace! Science says killing people is the only way to stop people killing each other!
6. Global Terrorism: I never thought I’d say this, but it’s just not funny anymore.
7. FIFA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, SERIOUSLY GUYS. FUCKING FIFA. Basically a satire-proof organisation.
8. Sport: The world heavyweight champion Tyson Fury is both an evangelical Christian and a sexist, homophobic bigot. The best football team in England were bottom of the Premier League this time last year and people who have chatted shit this season have actually gotten banged. Absolutely everyone in athletics, seemingly, is on drugs, including the whole of Russia! WHAT?
9. Anti-Capitalist Protests: THEY WERE WEARING V-FOR-VENDETTA MASKS THAT WERE, WAIT FOR IT…MADE BY CAPITALISTS! You couldn’t make that up, no siree, not even if you happened to be a very ironic person.
10. Social Media: Azeem’s flute recital…that happened. He did a UK tour of fresher’s week events. That many people have never turned up for a fucking flute recital. Also, the word of the year was an emoji. Need I say more?
11. Music: ‘Just Bieber’s Latest Album Actually Kind of Alright’ could be a headline on any number of reputable sources of satire, but no…people actually said it. This year. Real people, with thoughts and feelings and legs…some of them are probably not even morally awful human beings. What is going on here? Also Adele did yet another break-up album and yet again people lost their shit.
12. Flipside: The Tab and The Student continued embarrassing themselves with the petty nonsense that passes for their ‘articles’, leaving Edinburgh Flipside as the only remaining bastion of honest, hard-hitting and highly researched journalism for the discerning Edinburgh student ;). This year, Flipside covered everything from the Royal Mile to Syria, and 2016 promises more of the same quality coverage. Also, the Flipside President was too built for Topman.
13. The Floods, I mean it floods every year in Britain now. Yet have we spent any more money in flood defences? It is actually quite probable that all of the Main Party Leaders have realised that the floods are an excellent PR opportunity and so are happy to let them continue for the sake of a photo op. After everything else that has happened this year, prove us wrong on that!
Thanks for reading this year folks and have a blast next year! If 2016 is anything like as fucked up as 2015, we are in for a wild ride.