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Politics

Published on April 12th, 2015 | by Flipside

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200 Lib Dem voters discovered under Gatwick Airport

In a find that election pundits are describing as “highly significant”, geologists have discovered as many as 200 previously unknown Lib Dem voters in an underground car park near Gatwick airport.

“This could be a game changer in the election”, said BBC political correspondent Nick Robinson. “Always assuming that Nick Clegg is able to extract them by May 7th.”

The find is especially significant because the voters are believed to have been trapped in the car park since late April 2010, and therefore to have missed the entire five years of coalition government. “These are pure, untainted Lib Dem voters,” said a teary-eyed Vince Cable. “They are priceless.”

The party of voters is understood to have become confused by imprecise signs within the airport as they searched for the rail station on their return from a conference about sustainable living in Amsterdam.

Being too shy to ask anyone for directions, they are believed to have made a series of group decisions about which door or escalator to take, using the single transferable vote system. As a result, they ended up in a disused car park that was served by only a down escalator. Too polite to shout for help, they quietly waited to be rescued, living off discarded food items that fell onto the escalator.

While Nick Clegg’s party are keen to extract the voters as quickly as possible, local Tories have objected, citing disruption to local villages caused by the coaches needed to come and drive them home. With both parties submitting legal challenges, the voters may be stuck in the underground car park for a few weeks longer at least.

Further excitement was briefly generated by stories that a UKIP voter with a brain had been discovered during exploratory drilling in Yorkshire, but the story was later revealed to be a hoax.

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