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Politics

Published on September 24th, 2014 | by Flipside

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“45 is bigger than 55” claims Yes campaign

The Yes campaign has declared itself victorious in the Scottish referendum campaign, almost a week after polling day.

Following rigorous research conducted by Yes researcher Ronald McDonald, it has been mathematically proven that the number 45 is a bigger number than 55.

The research was prompted by the recent trend of people adding the number 45 to their Facebook and Twitter profile pictures, in an attempt to prove their commitment to the belief that, indeed, 45 is a larger number than 55. Some have gone so far as to tattoo the number onto their bodies as a tribute to this claim.

According to Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, “For a long time it has been believed that 55 is a larger number than 45 and for some bizarre reason this theory has barely been challenged.

“We knew for a fact that Scotland would vote yes and so from that we can deduce that 45 is indeed a much larger number than we had first thought.”

This statement has garnered some concern from the electoral commission and much of the academic community who feel that this result defies rudimentary mathematics, as well as the basic principles of democracy.

Flipside approached Scottish First Minister, Alex Salmond, for comment but he was busy attempting to physically remove Scotland from the rest of the UK with a hedge trimmer.

Sean Connery has responded to the latest development by rescinding his commitment to returning to an independent Scotland, saying that, “No matter how many strawberry daiquiris the Yes campaign may have previously offered me in a post-independence Scotland, I’m not coming back”.

After recovering from the initial shock, Better Together were quick to point out that even if the dubious research was true, an independent Scotland would not be able to afford providing Sean Connery with unlimited cocktails.

 

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