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Published on April 28th, 2016 | by Flipside

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5 Articles Flipside Buried Due to EUSA Pressure

 

Recently, EUSA sabbatical officer Urte Macikene thanked Flipside for our contribution to Edinburgh student life, and bringing EUSA news to the people, in hilarious and easily digestible form. But this year hasn’t all been plain sailing. Here are five articles Flipside couldn’t publish due to threats from within the EUSA hierarchy.

  1. Andy Peel: The Mr. Nice of Grant House

Andy seems like the loveliest, kindest man to ever be elected to a EUSA Sabbatical position, and so obviously wasn’t so keen on our expose, exploring his first year antics, when he single-handedly kept all of Pollock Halls high as a kite

  1. Imogen Wilson: Secret Tory

Imogen has fought on behalf of liberation groups all year and endeavoured to improve the student experience at Edinburgh, and is prominent within the Labour Students ranks. However, we have secret documents revealing her links to Gove, May and Cameron, and photo evidence of her on a weekend away at Chequers, sipping champagne with George Osborne.

  1. Jonony Race-Traitor: His Real Name is Alan

Perhaps the most shocking revelation of all, outgoing EUSA president and wellbeing advocate, who we all know as Nonny Toss-Fartman, among other similarly double-barrelled names, is in fact just called Alan. He adopted the JRT moniker for the purpose of being in office, believing ‘Alan’ didn’t carry enough weight in the heady world of student politics.

  1. Urte Macikene: Pimp Extraordinaire

Urte has worked hard all year on a variety of left-wing causes, including Divestment, Prevent, and making all EUSA buildings a safe space. However, as a teenager she ran a violent, infamous male prostitution ring, luring men in with promises of beer and sport, then selling their nubile bodies to the highest bidder.

  1. The Student Left: They’re Actually Really Nice People

Flipside was desperate to publish this article about how members of the Student Left all seem really sweet and misunderstood, but due to their ongoing feud with certain members of EUSA, we were pressured into burying the article, and instead running with the equally important Which Library Floor Are You?, to appease them.

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