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Commentary

Published on November 11th, 2015 | by Flipside

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5 Best Places To Shit On Campus

1. DHT Underground: Newly built and it shows. Modernist design is coupled with cleanliness as the best facilities on campus smoothly handle an increasing day to day footfall.

2. Ground Floor, East Wing, Library, Disabled Toilets: This is very cheeky but I’ve seen library staff do it so don’t worry, its kosher. While most of the library toilets are disgustingly dirty (I found a banana in a cubicle last week), constantly in use, being cleaned or just plain out of order, this one is ill used and almost always free, making for a hassle free bowel movement.

3. Potterow: No, I’m not joking. While during a big cheese going to these toilets is like parting a red sea of vomit, piss, jizz and shit these are surpassingly well kept during the week and more importantly have ample choice. There are cubicles in the double digits! Coupled with the Dyson hand dryers not (also) having piss in them this is an overall pleasant, and more importantly, uninterrupted (low footfall) bowel experience.

4. Appleton Tower, Ground floor: This is no place for peace and quiet and I think the light over the further stall is broken (though we all know you never go to that one during business time) but despite the heavy traffic (especially around lecture turnaround time) there is always a free cubicle. I think this is mainly due to the presence of the club esque trough that puts people off. Its not the quietest poo in central, but sometimes the noise can be useful. The literature on the cubicles is also a proud Scottish University tradition equivalent to Humanism or the Invisible Hand.

5. Edinburgh Labyrinth (George Sq. Park): This is obviously for more of a niche market, its outside, though I find the chilly breeze refreshing and the often wet air an aid in the process. What is often described as a “Reflective Space” makes for a truly transcendental experience. The choice of position in the maze, while obviously a deeply inward and person question, varies man to man though my choice is always the dead centre. And no, the lack of coverage isn’t worrying, no one ever uses the fucking park.

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