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Commentary

Published on October 24th, 2017 | by Flipside

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5 Halloween Costumes for Tories

Are you a Tory? Sort of hate Halloween anyway due to scrounging apologist tradition of “Trick or Treat”, but have to dress up because society tells you to and if there is one thing you don’t want to do that is go against traditions? Then this is the article for you. Here are five terrifying Halloween costumes which are specifically great for Tories to wear to show they are taking part but also maintain your core values.

1. Empathy:

Yep, not much in life is more terrifying than empathy. Thank god you don’t have to feel it. If you did you might be forced to like feel bad about food banks or donate some hard-earned money to charity. TERRIFYING.

2. A no vote to Brexit:

Imagine the most horrific dystopian future, European Countries and beyond all holding hands and having nice profitable trade with lots of immigrants boosting the economy and making the country a more diverse and interesting place.   It’s a disgusting world to think of and one that Britain may have been a part of if it wasn’t for the Rece-Mogg hailed, great historical moment, of Brexit. There isn’t much scarier than the thought of a No vote, so why not go dressed as it.

3. Slutty Jeremy Corbyn:

Yikes, so much grey hair, such cheap clothing. A horrific red tie and a cheery disposition. “No no no no no” is what you would normally say to looking like Labour Leader Corbyn. But it is Halloween, splash out a little and go for it. Why not make it a slutty version of the lefty prick to cleverly highlight the way he whores himself out for votes with promises of free tuition and investment in the economy, we know, what a slut.

4. Sexy Margret Thatcher’s Ghost:

You may be thinking, “but this is lovely; not scary” and you would be right! No good Halloween costume list would be completing without a sexy option and it doesn’t get sexier than Maggie Thatcher. Keep the spooky vibe and make it a ghost, but you will still totally turn people on left right and centre (yes I meant that) with your iron fists and signing documents to close down mines.

5. Investment in public services that would perhaps lead to the country being better for many not just the elite:

Fuck me it’s genuinely terrifying to even think about. Only go dressed like this if you really want to freak the shit out of people.

Well there you have it. Tories rejoice, for Halloween is now nothing to fear, pick your costume and wear it with confidence not conscience.

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