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Published on December 6th, 2015 | by Flipside

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6 ways to have fun in the main library

1. Challenge a friend or, better yet, a stranger to a race. You take the lift, they take the stairs. Despite the lift being by far the slowest in Scotland, you should beat your opponent. This will leave you with such a sense of accomplishment that you can let yourself go home and take the day off.

2. Eat M&Ms or any hard-shelled chocolate or sweet on the 4th floor. If this does not subject you to enough social anxiety, try the 5th floor. The postgraduates are typically more savage in their death stares. The challenge is to see how long far through the packet you can get before you cave out of intense guilt and fear.

3.  Remember you do not read science and laugh because you’re not at Kings Buildings.

4. Take awkward eye contact with everyone and anyone you accidentally look at to another level. Make it your personal mission to wink at everyone you set your eyes on. Even the security guards. If they wink back and you get scared just blink at them a lot. If this doesn’t work either run or take them out to dinner. If dinner goes well perhaps go on a second date. If this goes well perhaps consider that this may be the relationship you were always looking for. Ask them to marry you and if they say yes, you live happily ever after. If this happens remember that it was Flipside who got you that marriage and be bloody thankful to us (we like gifts, give us gifts).

5.  Arrive at 9:31AM sharp and take the last available seat in the library. Dump all of your stuff loudly, unpack all of your highlighters, record cards and textbooks (that you have never in fact read). Go back home and take a well-deserved nap. Return at 5:31PM to first congratulate yourself out aloud, then congratulate all those around your seat, and make your way back home for another nap.

6.  Don’t fucking go to the library.

 

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