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Politics

Published on November 10th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

7-year-olds propose compulsory testing for MPs

Concern expressed about inability to answer simple questions

An influential committee of primary school children has put forward a controversial proposal that compulsory testing should be reintroduced for Members of Parliament.  The committee, comprising eight Year Three pupils (and also Olivia’s little brother Jake because the nursery was closed for half term) delivered its verdict after concluding that MPs were under-performing in several key areas.  The committee expressed a particular concern that many MPs didn’t understand simple words like “promise.”  There were also concerns about discipline.

    “I saw this one man, right, and he got asked this question six times, right, and he never answered it.  If I did that I’d get lines off of Mrs Hardwicke,” said Jenny Fischer, the Honorary Daughter for 43 Acacia Street.

   “Some of these people might go on to do something useful one day,” added James Nicholls, the Schoolboy with Special Responsibility for Picking his Nose and Eating it.  “So we all think they need to learn skills like telling people things like what the people were asking them to tell them, instead of saying some rubbish that doesn’t even make sense.”

“They can be really naughty too, all making sheep noises when the geography teacher is trying to talk,” said Ellie McDougal, the Junior Monitor for Blackboard Cleaning. ”  If it happens again, they should all be kept in and have to miss their lunch breaks,” she added firmly.

Questions proposed by the focus group include:

 

  • “Why are you giving all the money to the rich?”
  • “Why is your policy this week not the same as the one you had last week?”
  • “What happened to the funny purple man with the swivelly eyes?”
  • “If a man has a million pounds, and you give him some more, how does that help anyone else?”
  • “Why do people keep saying the Health Minister’s surname slightly wrong?”
  • “If you take away someone’s money next year, then give it back three years later, how do they survive until then?”
  • “Where did all the Lib Dems go?”
  • “Who’s that scary man who lives next to the Prime Minister, and is he a vampire?”

The group also concluded that MPs should all have to wear black shorts, and do PE for a hour twice a week, even if it was raining.

 

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