SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Local

Published on October 6th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

A girl woke up after a night at Hive, but what happened next will leave you stunned.

Oh, you actually clicked this?

Right… erm… ok, sorry I didn’t really prepare for this… wasn’t really expecting anyone to click on things like this…

A girl woke up after a night at Hive and threw up in her own bed.

What do you mean “is that it?” Fuck you. I worked really hard on that. I’m typing this out in the middle of a lecture. Sure, it’s in David Hume Lecture Theatre and no-one is ever going to catch me; there’s a dude next to me with a shisha pipe.

Ok, ok, I’m sorry. I know I may have lulled you into this article as something amazing. I was just doing my flatmate a favour. She was like “You write funny things, can you write one about me?” and she was super picky about what I could write. I’ll probably just copy this article but blame her drunken state on foreign students, then it’ll get published by The Tab. Or I could say her drink got spiked by the abstract concept of censorship by EUSA, and The Student could publish it.

Right, we got on the wrong foot. Hi, my name is Amber, I’m a third year historian. Oh, well, thanks, you have nice hair too. Naww, that’s sweet of you. Sure, Black Medicine on Friday sounds nice.

Oh, wait, before you go, remember that I promised to leave you stunned!

So my flatmate went to Hive, right, and then she woke up and she was on an alien spaceship and they were in the middle of this war with the Minotaurs who were all like rawwwrrrrrrr and the lazers were all like pchooo-pchoooo and then just when she thought she was turning into a vampire then Ryan Gosling came and beat away them all with his massive penis and he went to Tescos and bought her butter then left to save all puppies ever and my flatmate made toast and told me about it.

I know, right. All I get when I wake up from Hive is a hickey.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑