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Politics

Published on October 7th, 2013 | by Flipside

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Alex Salmond pledges to move independent Scotland to Caribbean Islands

Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond has made a controversial pledge to move Scotland to join the Caribbean Islands if the country gains its independence. Salmond hopes that this bold promise will heat up the independence debate and entice the Scottish people to support his independence plans.

“I just think it is a travesty that the good Scottish people have been denied sunlight and hot weather for so long, due to English domination,” he announced at a SNP party conference.  “It was 5 degrees hotter in London than it was in Dundee last Saturday; as well as stealing Scottish sovereignty, the English Government are clearly stealing all the warm weather for themselves.

“So I will use our oil money to have Scotland tugged by boats to the Caribbean Islands, who are more than willing to have us.  The Scots feel no particular loyalty to the current geographical location of our country, so long as we’re not being dominated by the English. In addition, the Scottish people feel far more of an affinity with the Caribbean nations, many of which share Scotland’s history of English colonial repression, than with their closer European neighbours.”

When questioned on how a relocated Scotland would maintain its territorial claim over the North Sea oil reserves, Salmond replied, “That’s quite simple, we’re leaving Aberdeen behind; yet another reason for Scottish people to be happier in an independent state.”

Prime Minister David Cameron was quick to respond, stating, “Salmond’s plan is just ludicrous, have you seen how pale Scottish people are? They wouldn’t last a week.”

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