Published on March 5th, 2016 | by Flipside0
Amazon in Cahoots With Cardboard Racket
Edinburgh University student Clathena Wibble today unravelled a remarkable scandal in the world of online shopping, when she received a slim book packaged in a 2 foot squared cardboard box, and several layers of paper wrapping.
After digging a little deeper, she released this statement:
“It just seemed odd, you know. A whole box for a single copy of the God Delusion? It just didn’t seem right. So I asked around, and it was happening to everyone – my friend Katty ordered a single pen, and it arrived by van, in a sofa-sized box. It took three people to get it upstairs. And Johndo ordered an Xbox, which should be pretty big, but the packaging was so massive he couldn’t get it through the door. He had to unwrap it in the street, like a huge cardboard Russian doll”
Flipside asked Amazon for a comment, and they had this to say:
“We need to make money, bro. We basically work our warehouse people into the ground on minimum wage, barely make a profit off anything, and re-invest it all back into our plan for world domination super efficient delivery drones. The cardboard producers offered us money in exchange for using excessive amounts of cardboard, as well as protection from the recycling racket. What else could we do?”
“Don’t fight it – however cluttered your world becomes, however much more shit you need to chuck away – you won’t stop shopping with us. We own you.”