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Sports

Published on March 21st, 2014 | by Flipside

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Andy Murray breaks up with long term “tennis coach” Ivan Lendl

Game, Set, Tears! Hearts and strings break as Murray splits up with Lendl. 

It has recently been revealed that Andy Murray has broken up with his long term Coach Ivan Lendl, in what has to be the biggest Hollywood breakup since Brad and Jennifer; except less people care because only attractive people are interesting.

The break up has been described as “mutual” and Lendl has dismissed rumours that he has been coaching other players, despite Murray claiming to have found Nadal’s old balls in his bag. “It’s Andy’s technique, in bed, I mean on court, he just hits it without thinking, no skill or patience, constantly banging away without even thinking about how I feel or like to rally. I know he pays me but I wish he would think about my feelings and just stop smacking me across court all day long.”

We were also lucky enough to speak to Murray himself on the matter. “Well my mum said that things don’t always work out the way we want them to, and that he wasn’t good enough for me anyway, and that she will always love me, and I don’t need anyone else but her, so, I guess that makes me happy.” Andy always looks sad, so Flipside were unsure as to whether he was genuinely coping with the breakup. We did have him take a lie detector test, but the lie detector got depression before it could produce any results.

Murray added, “I think I just need to look for someone new. Ivan didn’t really have the right balls for my court, why are you laughing? That isn’t funny. I just need someone to help me work on my forehand and backhand, just really show me how to caress the ball on the racket, be gentle at first, but then we can get firmer as we become more comfortable with each other. It gets hot on court, I get quite sweaty, and I need someone who can handle that with me and stay close. You know, help me with my length and getting my balls as deep as I can as often as I can. Seriously why are you laughing?”

Tensions rose recently as last night Andy was seen drunkenly singing Taylor Swift’s, ‘We are never ever getting back together’, outside a club, whilst rallying with Boris Becker.  #Scandal #Ballsdeepbreakup.

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