Published on January 20th, 2014 | by Flipside0
Application to Goldman Sachs
Name: Jonty Benson-Colpi
As Daddy told me last night, ‘Jonty, you ought to get a job.’ My ﬁrst thought was that he had gone the way of the pheasants, utterly plucked, and was trying to make me one of the peasants. But Daddy, seeing my shocked visage, said, ‘I know it will be a shock, but Goldmans offer a simple basic wage of £80k to our sort.’ Hence I, Jonty “Jonticles” Lysander Benson-Colpi, submit a cracking application for my birth right.
God-Daddy, ex-Chairman of Barclaaays Marcus Agius, gave me some jolly good advice before he fell on his sword. ‘John’, he said, ‘A lot of the unwashed think they understand ﬁnance, and that’s their ﬁrst mistake. We know we do not understand, that’s why we carry the FT around – furnishings.’ Thus I’m a perfect banker, I can commit fraud and plead to the judge, ‘Ignorance! Uncle’. As to my practical skills: I have a ‘C’ at GCSE Maths but more importantly an ‘A’ in Latin: Quod erat demonstrandum? After the small problems I heard about a couple of years ago people are, apparently, pretty worried about bankers, thus my solution is: If we take away the rest of their money they’d have other things to worry about.
Anyway, jolly good lunch yesterday; and see you this weekend Daddy,