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Local

Published on October 16th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

“Are Self-Catered Students Even Real People?” Asks Pollock Fresher.

Breaking News: Sarah-Jane Waterman-Briggs-Alan-Hidalgo-Connors, A fresher who lives in Chancellors Court, has asked “Are self-catered students even real people”.

The question has now baffled Pollock philosophy students for literally tens of minutes. Even the great Allan Peters of Grant House, who once got 80 on a philosophy essay could only conclude that “self-catered humans might be human, they may not be, we just can’t know, as they exist out-with actual realms of reality (Pollock grounds)”.

Sarah-Jane’s question has prompted much debate within the Pollock world, with other Pollock residents claiming to have once met a self-catered human, but they have all been proven liars or involved in cases of mistaken identity.

Flipside naturally spoke to Sarah-Jane, and she had this to add, “Look I just want to know? I have heard rumours that there are students who don’t go to Pollock in their first year, but do they actually exist? And if they do are they real people, I just don’t know.”

When it was pointed out that Fraser Court was practically in Pollock grounds she replied,

“What those people go to Edinburgh? I thought those were council estates for the young!”

Sarah-Jane is an idiot, but her thoughts are sadly reflective of a wider issue, maybe one day self-catered students will be recognised by their Pollock counter parts, however it doesn’t look like this change will come any time soon.

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