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Local

Published on January 18th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Average Temperature of Edinburgh Flat Found To Be Minus 60 Degrees Celsius.

Recently a cold snap has hit Britain, with the average temperature across the country hovering just above freezing. AS just above freezing is the average temperature for an Edinburgh flat in June, the cold snap has seen temperatures plummet for locals and students alike.

Flats across the city have seen temperatures drop to around minus 60 degrees Celsius. The extreme cold is a caused by a combination of three factors: 1). The complete and utter lack of insulation provided by an Edinburgh flat; this coupled with the stupidly high walls and windows (which seemed so lovely in summer) make for a cold zone resembling to the Arctic itself. 2) Three of the four flat occupants total refusal to put the heating on/ acknowledging the existence of heating/ understanding the simple scientific fact that if you turn the fucking heating on it gets less fucking cold….Barry. 3) The icy bastard hands of Jack Frost himself.

One occupant spoke on interview, “Look, we just don’t see the need for heating. It isn’t that cold and heating costs money, I know it literally costs the price of a pint to heat the house for an evening, but that could be spent on a pint. Yes James nearly died of hyperthermia a few days ago, but he seems fine now. Frostbite isn’t that bad and his foot will grow back. I think he was being a bit melodramatic when he left the library and said, ‘I am going in for a while, I may be some time.’ Still haven’t seen him though, credit to his commitment I suppose.”

With the cold snap set to continue into June, scientists predict that an Edinburgh flat may be the first place on earth to experience Absolute Zero in naturally occurring circumstances.

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