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Politics

Published on December 10th, 2014 | by Flipside

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Ban all babies from public places, says Farage

Following his suggestion that women should not be allowed to breastfeed in public, Nigel Farage has now gone a step further, stating that under a UKIP government babies would not be allowed in public at all, breastfeeding or not.

UKIP would introduce sound proof boxes, costing about 500 pounds, in which parents would be allowed to transport babies around if they had to, while unboxed babies would be banned in all public spaces.

Parents who chose not to use the boxes could simply keep the baby at home, and hire a nanny, said Farage. Anyone who couldn’t afford a box or a nanny had no business having children in the first place, he concluded.

“I think any reasonable person, by which I mean rich white men over fifty, would agree with me that babies are horrible things,” said Farage. “They cry, poo, pee, fart and vomit. They have no regard for anyone else. They don’t pay taxes. And a lot of them are at least half immigrant. I don’t see why the rest of us should have to put up with them.”

“Moreover, what are their mothers and father’s telling us when they parade their offspring in front of us? They’re basically saying, ‘I had sex with someone in the last year or two, and I can prove it.’

“Well I’d thank you all to keep your sordid bedroom activities to yourself, and not parade the evidence in front of those who haven’t. Got babies I mean. Not people who haven’t had sex for years because their wives are German and sleeping in a different bedroom because she’s getting a bit pissed off with her husband’s insistence that all immigrants are somehow a waste of space. Which they are. But that’s beside the point. Where was I?”

Sleeping in the spare room, apparently.

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