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Published on March 2nd, 2018 | by Flipside

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Beast From The East Secures Working Visa

In the last few days Britain has been subjected to a visit from the Beast From the East; snow, wind and bastard icy roads have been just some of the consequences of its stay. However Flipside’s inside sources have revealed that Beast From the East has decided to extend its residency in the UK and has just secured a working visa, to the horror of people who are pro and anti-immigration alike.

Flipside have exclusively been able to interview Beast From the East (that is their actual name, surprisingly not a slightly racist Daily Mail given name).

“Look I am just having the time of my life here. People are reacting hilariously to me, running to and fro, slipping, cursing and yet enjoying my wintry ways. Especially city folk, they are dealing with like a foot of snow max and acting as if their walk to work makes them an artic explorer. It is hilarious. So I have decided to stay a little longer. I was told it was hard to get into Britain and let alone stay, but Mrs May was very helpful and said something about me being a wonderful distraction from all of the other bollocks.

Pro-Brexit spokesperson, Mr. Egg Onmyface commented:

“This is why we voted for Brexit! so nasty cold bastards from far away wouldn’t come in and make our lovely warm British Island all nasty and cold like foreign places. I hope that all Remonars now see the error of their ways and understand that we have to extend our boarder control to acts of god as well as all other nationalities.”

Pro- Remain spokesperson, Miss Isla Cunningham, stated,

“Look, we have no problem with people coming in and cultural change is a wonderful thing. We are just upset that it has been so easy for Beast From the East to gain a working visa when it has been so hard for so many other hard working people. The Tories are all over the place and need to sort themselves out.”

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