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Politics

Published on October 19th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Bernie Sanders Surprisingly Nice: Americans Baffled

Americans have been thrown into disarray over the fact that a candidate for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination is actually an decent guy. This opinion has even survived the most recent party debate.

“Normally, when you get to the caucus stage you can really begin to see the split,” said political commentator, Tina Foil, “Which candidate is a reptile in disguise and who is in the pockets of all the corporations.” (we asked which ones, but apparently all of them was not an exaggeration).  “Sometimes, candidates are both, but Sanders appears to be neither.

She continued, “It’s a big move and we have no idea how it will play with voters.”

It is thought that Sanders policies on universal healthcare and free tuition at public colleges, already a standard policies in most of Europe, are too radical for the American electorate. Concerns have been voiced from several angles about these flagship proposals and how they might affect the fabric of the nation.

“People talk down on the American system,” said  Ray Spanks, culture journalist, “But which society created Breaking Bad?

“Dying of a preventable disease is as American as handguns, so Bernie Sanders policies are definitely un-American. That is bad. America good. Simple”

“It wouldn’t work in the Netherlands, is all I’m saying and if Bernie Sanders wants to take that away from us he has got a fight on his hands.”

It has also been discovered that a legal challenge is to be made should Sanders succeed in securing the Democratic Party nomination, as opponents claim that Sanders is actually a Canadian and is therefore ineligible for election. It is unclear the source of this challenge, though it is rumoured to rhyme with “Pump”.

The Pump campaign gave no comment at the time of printing.

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