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Published on December 1st, 2016 | by Flipside

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Big Cheese Awarded Quasi-Religious Status By The People Who Award Stuff

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Breaking news: It goes without saying that 2016 has without doubt been one of the worst years in human history like ever. But all the terrible may just have been balanced out by this one small act of good. A panel from the People Who Award Stuff (PWAS) have just announced their latest Awarding….THE BIG CHEESE IS NOW A QUASI RELIGIOUS EVENT! (Hell yeh).

A spokesperson from the PWAS commented,

“It gives us great pleasure, as people who award things to award the Big Cheese with a quasi-religious status. You see, it is all there. In the same way Mecca, The Golden Temple and St Peter’s Basilica attract millions of people every year in the search of spiritual enlightenment or pilgrimage. The Big Cheese attracts thousands every week for a different style of spirituality but one which is equally valid; the spirituality of mostly shit music and VKS.

Something else which caused us to award it with the award is the nature of its followers, it isn’t been given full religious status like something important. We see it rather more like a cult or Mormonism or that one Tom Cruise thinks will make him taller. You see Big Cheese goers, despite all evidence, are blindly convinced that the Big Cheese is the greatest night out one can possibly have on a Saturday. Despite numbers of better and often cheaper alternatives existing within a radius of a few kilometres. This kind of mass delusion has convinced us to reward the Big Cheese and it’s devoted followers with the status already mentioned.”

Despite sounding more like an insult than a compliment, the news has been met with jubilation by the Big Cheese fans.

One student Nihren Daidu commented, “This is the best day of my life. I don’t think I have ever been happier than this. Nothing will top it, my wedding day, the birth of my first child, the achievement of my life goals and ambitions, nope they will not be topping this. First memes and now this, what a wonderful time to be alive it is indeed.”

A parade is scheduled for Saturday morning and priests are soon to be elected on the basis of attendance records and how many times they have been sick on the floor with no one noticing. Nihren is hoping to be one of them. And we here at flipside wish the big guy luck.

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