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Local

Published on September 10th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Edinburgh locals “Excited” for Freshers Week

With the arrival of new students reaching a peak this weekend, local residents have come out in force to welcome them with a vast array of gifts varying from disgusted glances, quickened paces, and the local speciality of pitchforks and torches.

Flipside spoke to local resident Angus McShoutyperson who said “It’s been the tough year for us. The university is starting really early this year so we’ve only had a ten day holiday between this and the fringe, so some of us are feeling really fatigued. But you know the saying: We rip off the tourists for fun, we scare the students for pleasure.”

In an attempt to calm tensions, EUSA President Alec ‘Edgie’ Johnson released a statement to Flipside which claimed “EUSA has strived to maintain a positive relationship with Edinburgh locals by decorating the sidewalks at night with VK colours and filling the empty streets with boisterous singing and dropped kebabs. Our contribution to Edinburgh is nothing but positive.”

Just before print, EUSA sent us a second email asking “But seriously, don’t let any new student go to The Grapes. We don’t want another dead Fresher on our hands.”

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