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Published on February 25th, 2014 | by Flipside

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Big Cheese vigilante plot for fire alarm revenge fails

A large vigilante group of Edinburgh University students was left disappointed after a plan to exact revenge on their Napier University counterparts for a fire alarm prank in Potterrow failed miserably.

Last Saturday’s Big Cheese club night – a favourite haunt for students who have long-since accepted that Saturday nights in Edinburgh are shit and there is nowhere better to go – was interrupted on no less than three occasions by fire alarms which were allegedly set of by a prankster from the Napier University rugby team.

Both EUSA and the Emergency Services were quick to condemn such behaviour.

“It is irresponsible and very dangerous,” said a Fire Brigade spokesperson. “False alarms such as these distract the fire services from other false alarms which we should be attending.”

“The trivial incident on Saturday prevented us from attended a potentially-serious trivial incident at the University’s flats on South Clerk Street, where someone sprayed a can of Lynx in the wrong direction and set all the fire alarms off.”

EUSA representatives nodded enthusiastically in agreement before muttering something about using the forthcoming EUSA elections as the perfect opportunity to free Palestine and end the conflict in Syria.

But the story took a dramatic turn when a sizeable mob of Edinburgh University students met in Bristo Square last night, ready to storm the Napier Student Union bar and set off even more fire alarms in an act of revenge.

The group numbered around twenty people and is said to have included students from all years as well as a handful of lecturers who thought the gathering was part of another strike.

Enthusiasm soon waned, however, when the vigilantes failed to locate their target.

“We marched angrily around Edinburgh for ages but couldn’t find any evidence of the Napier Student Union anywhere,” one masked vigilante told Flipside.

“Then somebody told us that their union bar is in fact nothing more than a room above [decidedly-average Irish pub] The Three Sisters.”

“But surely it can’t be that shit? Can it?”

A mixture of bemusement, pity and inebriation led to the mob giving up on their revenge mission. They instead retired for drinks and civilised conversation in The Hive.

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