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Published on September 19th, 2013 | by Flipside

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Blurred Lines ban is new excuse to be sexist

Sexists across the University of Edinburgh have been rejoicing lately, as the new ban on Blurred Lines has given them a seemingly valid excuse to be incredibly offensive in public.

John ‘Big Lad’ Smith, head of Edinburgh University Sexist Society, had this to say “I can’t believe those absolute wenches banned my fave summer song! Feminazis! They should get back in the kitchen!” whilst reading a copy of The Sun. “This is worse than when they banned my favourite paper! I now have to walk an extra two minutes to read Jeremy Clarkson’s opinions on things and look at Page 3!”

Edinburgh University Students Association (EUSA) President Hugh Murdoch has called the phenomenon appalling. “We were considering hiring security forces to find the sexists and beat them up,” he mused. “However we could only hire G4S, and so it was a bowl of ethical apples and oranges.” Hugh then proceeded to play his 15th straight game of chess with himself, alone in the darkness of Potterrow, driven mad by delusions of power.

The Edinburgh Tab, which has made a point of printing anyone who disagrees with the ban, had this to say, “Because the ban is censorship, we have to print anything that is against it. Even if it’s offensive. That’s free speech. We think.”

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