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Politics

Published on October 2nd, 2015 | by Flipside

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Boris Johnson “Will be Released Back Into The Wild” Following His Time As Mayor Of London Zoo.

With Zac Goldsmith announced as the next Conservative Candidate for Mayor of London Zoo, many have been asking what will happen to resident attraction Boris Johnson.

The London Zoo spokesperson announced, “Boris has been a fantastic Mayor of London Zoo,” (a title attached to the main attraction), “However, it has been decided that it is time Boris went back into the wild. It isn’t fair to keep a creature as simple and primitive as this behind bars. Despite his natural ability to fit in with the other animals, we must release him back into the rolling hills of Kent and Surrey, it is there, surrounded by fine cheese, that he belongs.”

“We are sure he will be missed by the members of the public, as Boris’ adorable stupidity often wowed them and brought him close to their hearts. Upon his release we must urge is that no one, under any circumstances, actually listens to what he has to say, the creature is deranged when it comes to intellectual thought and can actually be quite dangerous if heard. However, if we all just ignore him, he will be quite harmless running around the Kentish countryside, looking for married woman to mate with and wine for sustenance.”

Boris’ resignation speech has already been written and is set to be a hilarious riot, as he details his plans to run for Tory Party leader, ohh the laughs he gives us, ohh Boris.

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