Published on July 9th, 2014 | by Flipside0
Brazilian team “was England in disguise” claims Scolari
Real Brazil team spent match tied up in locker room.
Brazil team manager Luiz Felipe Scolari has explained his team’s 7-1 semi-final thumping by Germany, by saying that it wasn’t his team playing at all. It was, he explained, the England team cunningly disguised as Brazil using wigs and face masks.
“I went down to the locker room at full time, to find all of my players bound and gagged,” explained Scolari. “Then I found lots of expertly made rubber facemasks of my players, and saw Frank Lampard slipping out the back door, looking embarrassed.”
It was, Scolari explained, the only way England were ever going to get to play in a world cup semi-final. “They had plenty of time to plan it, having been eliminated before most teams played their second game, giving them weeks to perfect their disguises. Unfortunately, each player had to impersonate someone of the same height and build, so they all ended up playing the wrong position, and therefore being ever crapper than usual. Steven Gerrard was particularly rubbish in goal, and Joe Hart as Fred didn’t have a clue what he was doing. Even Scotland would have been better.”
Wayne Rooney was quick to refute this, saying that everyone played their normal positions. “Look, I was Fred, and Ronaldo was Klose, and Gary Lineker was the referee. No hang on, he was Andy Murray wasn’t he? To be honest I wasn’t really sure what I was doing, Roy just told me to get on the pitch and try to kick the ball. He said the same thing when we were pretending to be Brazil, too. Which we weren’t. Or were we?”
During the interview, Mr Rooney also denied that he was in fact Luiz Scolari, wearing an unconvincing Wayne Rooney mask that had been discarded by a disgruntled England fan.