SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Local

Published on March 12th, 2014 | by Flipside

0

Breaking News: Plot to bug Kirsty Haigh’s office amid EUSA elections

Five Edinburgh University students, one of whom revealed himself to be a former EUSA bartender, were arrested last night at 2:30 a.m. in what authorities described as an elaborate plot to bug the office of incumbent Vice-President of Services, Kirsty Haigh. Ms. Haigh is currently one of four presidential hopefuls in the ongoing EUSA elections that are taking place until 13th March.

The students were surprised at baton-point by three security guards during the heist at the decrepit Potterow building, 5/2 Bristo Square, where the Edinburgh University Student Association’s office is located. All wearing rubber surgical gloves, the five suspects were captured standing by VP Haigh’s desk within the EUSA headquarters.

Guards said the students had with them at least two sophisticated devices purchased from the Edinburgh Bargain Store, capable of picking up and transmitting all talk, including telephone conversations. The suspects also each had with them Nokia cell phones with Orange prepaid SIM cards in numbered sequence, a HD Gopro camera and pen-sized tear gas guns.

At VP Haigh’s desk where they were captured were two open file drawers. One EUSA source conjectured that the students were preparing to photograph the contents before they were met by security.

In Court today, one suspect said the men were “anti-Communists” and the others nodded agreement. The Crown prosecutor at the Edinburgh sheriff court described the operation as “trollsome” and “banter”, with many of the tools seized by security at the EUSA office appearing to be packaged in what police said were burglary kits. The students have been charged with breaking and entering, and with possession of implements of crime. In the meantime, the University of Edinburgh appears to have suspended their attendance and notified their parents of this incident.

The early morning arrests occurred about 40 minutes after one security guard at Potterow noticed that the door into the building next to the Bank of Scotland had been taped so it would not lock. After removing the tape, the guard returned ten minutes later only to find the door had been taped again.

“At first ah couldnae tell if I was jus’ drunk oar dreamin’ eh? But when ah come back and tha’ door had tape agein, ah knew some cheeky bastard was muckin’ aboot.”

Police today questioned the other three presidential candidates at their station in St. Leonards. Of the three, only Jacob Webber spoke to Flipside earlier commenting, “I am not a crook”.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑