Published on October 7th, 2013 | by Flipside0
‘Breaking news: The cat who hates Britain’ by Flipside
In the wake of the allegations surrounding Ed Miliband’s father, Flipside can exclusively reveal that Ed Miliband’s cat is engaged in a one-cat war against the UK. The family pet:
- Hisses, spits and screeches when it meets another British cat
- Has waged a campaign of terror against British mice
- Shows absolutely no interest in UK politics
- Runs away when it meets a British dog
- Has brutally murdered several British birds
- Cannot name a single member of the royal family.
Such a close affiliation with a cat that so clearly hates everything about our country casts ultimate doubt upon Ed Miliband’s fitness to engage in politics. How can Miliband possibly justify this horribly anti-patriotic attitude from a member of his close family?
A spokesman for the Daily Mail agreed. “You can’t choose your father, but you can choose your cat. This is a terrible error of judgement, and Ed Miliband should be fired.”
A spokesman for the Labour party told us, “Ed doesn’t have a cat. You’re probably thinking of a scruffy tom that goes into his back garden from time to time.”
Well, if Miliband can’t stop dangerous undesirables from entering his own garden, how is he going to deal with immigration?