Published on December 3rd, 2015 | by Flipside0
Brew Lab Sets New Record for Hispterest Aesthetic, Like, Ever
Brew Lab has surpassed previous record holder Souped Up as the new recipient of the Most Hipsterest Aesthetic Since, Like, Records Began, You Know award (sponsored by Abercrombie and Finch).
Hamish Laika-Boss, dressed in a tweed three-piece suit with a tweed beard and tweed glasses, had this to say about the latest branch of his financially and spiritually crippling venture (pictured below. No, really – this exists.)
“We at Brew Lab feel we didn’t go far enough with our Edinburgh café looking like a half-finished Canadian sushi bar,” said Laika-Boss, “so we crafted a cork box to work as a counter, a coffee bar, and a disabled toilet.
“This took us five years of planning but finally we have the perfect coffee bar, where wankers like us can order the perfect coffee, before sitting down on imaginary chairs, writing our imaginary Kafkaesque short stories on our imaginary laptops, then feel depressed after being rejected by an imaginary barista.”
After Flipside enquired as to how Laika-Boss and his tweed-clad entourage managed to finance yet another pretentious branch of Brew Lab, he screamed something about a third overdraft before ordering his security guards (Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber) to escort us off the premises, which in this case was one step down on the library steps.