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Published on March 26th, 2018 | by Flipside

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“Brexit Spending Was Totally Legit”-Says Boris Wearing Suit of Diamonds.

“Look” said Boris, whilst wearing a suit of Diamonds (which had been coloured and patterned to resemble the Union Jack), “we didn’t break any spending limits. I am sick of people blowing whistles when they shouldn’t be blown, where do they get this whistles from? and why do people always seem to listen? (Boris has no concept of metaphor) Brexit means Brexit, it doesn’t mean we need to do all the anally, pen pushy, togery bogery, nonsense around accounts after. If we overspent it was a small error. Probably one of those ones you do on the calculator when you accidentally add a zero or something. Plus it is totally fair if we spent more money. Like if we have the money, surely it is only fair we spend it… Like my Dad probably has way more money than your dad. Is it unfair that he spent that on me having lots of things that you didn’t growing up?…”

Theresa May simply added, “Look, we expected the Russian stuff to run for a lot longer than this. Not that we did it, but since it is happened we at least hoped for a little of the attention to be taken up with Russia and not our total inability to run a country or even win an election fairly. If the media could simply be more easily distracted then we wouldn’t need to have this conversation.”

This comment was in response to the accusations aimed at Johnson and Gove, aimed at their involvement in Cambridge Anylitica and Brexit overspending. Yes you would normally expect this bit to come before the actual comment. “Flipside”, you might say, “in conventional reporting one can expect to read an introduction to the topic and then read multiple comments from the involved sources, followed by some analysis.” And to that we say fuck you. We don’t adhere to your stale and crusty (old bread-like) approach to reporting. We here at Flipside are new wave, in your face, out there, edgy, we are what vice aspire to be. So yeah. Journalism, fuck your ideas, we make our own paths and write our own news (not really as that would be lying and that is bad as Donald Trump said to Stormy Davis).

“Wow, you are so wise and insightful, can we have some analysis now?”

Analysis:

You would be so lucky.

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