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Published on March 19th, 2014 | by Flipside

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Bristo Square parkour craze scales new heights

Chaos has hit Bristo square recently with hundreds of thousands of onlookers cramming the University hotspot in the hopes of viewing the ever popular craze, parkour; the art of moving rapidly through an area via jumping, running and climbing. Student Victoria Lady Amelia Darling (20) gave valuable insight into why it has become such essential viewing: “I’ve never seen anything like it, I mean, the quality of the skateboarding here is amazing, but this… This is something else.”

The health and safety department is in particular distress as avid parkourers have begun using the questionably long-standing scaffolding to climb and flip their way to the top of the McEwan Hall – to the delight of frenzied crowds. Attempts at action have been taken and police called to the scene regularly, but every time the police have been equally impressed, consequently ignoring crimes around the city to watch in awe.

Crisis talks are in progress behind the scenes at Edinburgh University with the craze causing staggering amounts of students to drop out. Recent figures show that, on average, 25 students per day are leaving their courses for the parkour life. Patrice Jackson (19), a former medicine student confided in us: “I used to study medicine in the hopes of one day saving lives, how could I be so stupid? Nothing rivals the incredible feeling of running and jumping on and off various outside objects.” It is clear the University is fighting a losing battle; with an inside source revealing there are now plans to offer a course in ‘The Ancient Art of Parkour’ to claw back tuition money.

It is not all unique travelling fun however, as in a tragic turn of events; the Bristo Square parkour craze has claimed its first victim. The sheer size of the crowds has been forcing some spectators onto surrounding roads and tragedy befell as a male in his early twenties wearing an “I LOVE PARKOUR” t-shirt was hit by a car. According to an eye witness the young man’s last words were enthusiastically simply “parkour!” as, inspired by the immense talent displayed in the square, he unsuccessfully attempted to jump artistically over the vehicle.

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