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Politics

Published on April 9th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Cameron Admits Profiting From Family’s Offshore Fund; Refuses To Confirm Pope’s Religion

Today, the beleaguered British Prime Minister finally caved into excruciatingly obvious accusations that he is a lying hypocritical crook with ham for a face, a heart made of granite and a picture of Maggie Thatcher where his soul should be. He confirmed that he has made money from an offshore investment fund created by his late father, that paid no UK tax over thirty years.

However, when quizzed over the religion of the current Pope, Cameron was evasive: “I have met the Pope and can confirm that he is a kind and deeply religious man. However, which religion he represents is not something I am willing to comment on. As Prime Minister, I have spoken to people of all religions, and personally I think they are all valid. We are all in religion together, and I think the Pope would agree that is really what matters”

When asked for his opinions on the scandal, Pope Francis says he believed without a doubt that David Cameron would shit in the woods, if it meant not paying tax on one of those government-registered toilets.

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