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Politics

Published on December 2nd, 2015 | by Flipside

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Cameron Refuses To Hear Gandalf’s Arguments that Air Strikes Won’t Destroy The One Ring.

Cameron Refuses To Hear Gandalf’s Arguments that Air Strikes Won’t Destroy The One Ring.

Today, at the Council of Elrond, the topic of destroying the One Ring of Power with airstrikes was proposed by British Prime Minister.

He stated, “If the Ring must be destroyed then why not do it using our big fuck off jets and just drop bombs on it?”

And at this moment a topless Vladimir Putin hurled himself forward shouting, “What are we waiting for?” and in trying to punch the ring into oblivion was hurled backwards.

Gandalf candidly stated “you cannot simply destroy The Ring, it must be dropped into the very fires of Mount Doom itself, and Mordor has some pretty shit hot Anti-Aircraft Weaponry so there is no chance of air strikes solving that either. In fact I cannot think of any time air strikes have solved anything in your people’s age. The only solution, Mr Cameron, will come if we come up with a practical solution which will bring about peace. Bombing an area which has already been bombed to bring about peace, is like throwing more lembas crumbs on the floor to make it clean, eh Sam?”

And everyone had a good chuckle at Mr. Cameron’s stupidity and Sam’s lack of cleaning capabilities, and we didn’t bomb Syria and everyone lived happily ever after. The end.

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