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Politics

Published on January 7th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

Cameron To Have Robotic Tear Ducts Implanted So He Can Cry Like Obama.

Recently President Obama of the United States of America gave a heartfelt speech about the need for stricter gun control. During the speech a tear escaped his eyes and many were moved by his compassion and care for his country. In this moment David Cameron asked his chief advisor why he couldn’t cry when pretending to care. He struggled to understand that the issue was pretending, and refused to admit that actually caring about the people of his country, might invoke a genuine emotional response.

Not to be foiled by futile human emotions, Mr Cameron has decided he will have robotic tear ducts implanted so he may too, cry like Obama. To complement his tears, Cameron will also undergo a rigorous acting course. In which he will learn to display emotion in subtle and dignified fashion, the course itself is being run by Nicolas Cage.

Indeed, the Tory party hope that these tear ducts will really help to humanise Cameron to the public. They have already been used on the a robot (Osborne model T0R7), and they worked well as the machine managed to sustainably cry for whole minutes at Thatcher’s funeral.

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