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Entertainment

Published on September 27th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Channel 4 Announces Bake Off/Naked Attraction Crossover

Seeking to capitalise on the success of shows such as First Dates and Love Island, Channel 4 has announced its plans to combine the nation’s two favourite pastimes: consuming sickening quantities of sugar, and exposing strangers’ genitals to public ridicule.

 

It is hoped that in upping its usual undercurrents of gentle smut by stripping its contestants naked and revealing their baked goods gradually ­– from the crust up – the hybrid show will appeal to a broader range of audiences, building heart-warming family entertainment for grandmothers and their slutty millennial offspring alike.

 

For next week’s show, the theme will be Cake and Kink, though the broadcaster has reassured viewers that its basic format will otherwise remain unchanged: a technically clueless yet persistently flirtatious birdman will provide comic relief in the form of newly-corporate whimsy; a vulnerable, overwhelmed baker will break down in tears under intense physical and psychological pressure; the judges will be increasingly strict on soggy bottoms; and Paul Hollywood will fulfil a nation’s daddy-issues with a hard-won wink.

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