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Commentary

Published on February 12th, 2018 | by Flipside

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Cheddar Man Comments on Britains Open Door Immigration Policy

When pressed for comment, Cheddar Man caused a degree of controversy: “I am saying what everyone is thinking. That’s the truth. All I want is a sensible immigration policy, totally unlike the one they had in Pangea. A sensible, points based system where we don’t just let in all the Nigel Farage’s trying to reap the benefits of our woefully lax welfare system. What people seem to forget is that Britain is a dark skinned country. Now, I know you right wing snowflakes at the Daily Mail will jump at that. But those are the facts. If you just look at the current state of Britain today, you have immigrants from all over the post-Mesolithic states leeching off our hard earned money. They are in our businesses, they are clogging up our schools and hospitals and they are even our MPs! The hard working natives are paying Stone Age taxes whilst these white immigrants are living in Bronze Age thatched bungalows in Gloucestershire. You can’t even get on a bloody Mammoth-drawn sled anymore without some disgruntled loud-mouthed whitey reading a copy of Nuts (and other foraged foods) magazine. I can’t switch on my tele to find good old Mesolithic era programming. The kind my father and I used to enjoy. Whatever happened to I’m A Celebrity and I Am Being Chased By A Sabre-Tooth or Keeping Up With The Flintstones? Good wholesome programming for the whole family. Now we are force fed this right wing, anti-native garbage. It’s Trump this, Boris that. What the hell is TOWIE? Just look at the current cabinet – stiff to the rafters with fair skin and they are allowed their own “English” language.”

The recently revived Cheddar Man had even more political opinions to get off his chest after 10,000 years in the ground: “Well I say enough is enough. Britain for Brits. Is that really too much to ask? In my view, and I know it will cause a typical sensationalist radical conservative backlash, the likes of UKIP should go back to where they came from. They have not made any effort to integrate with the dark skinned natives of this great country, so why should ordinary people be forced to put up with it anymore? Some of the upper class immigrants hunt foxes for fun for Warn Orb In The Sky’s sake! Hunting isn’t fun! We need to hunt to eat. It’s just indicative of a complete lack of awareness of the customs of the country they have adopted. As I said, we’re all thinking it, I am just not afraid to say it.”

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