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Commentary

Published on October 28th, 2015 | by Flipside

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CHRISTMAS ISN’T FUCKING SOON: Studies Find.

Breaking News: On the 28th of October an in depth study on time space and reality has revealed some rather shocking news: CHRISTMAS ISN’T FUCKING SOON. It is actually eight weeks and two days away, which is bloody ages.

“Halloween hasn’t even happened yet”, said the, Fuck Off With Your Fucking Early Christmas Joy Research Institute (FOWYFECJRI) Spokesperson, “People need to get a grip, loads of shit can happen in eight weeks, Putin could conquer the world and then Christmas will forever be under the tight grip of the Russian tundra.”

He continued, “Santa may contract Ebola on one of his visits and die and then no presents for anyone. Rudolph could develop a degenerative brain disease and end up eating Prancer, fucking Reindeer zombies could happen. A zombie apocalypse could happen, the world economy could crash. There is no bloody reason to be excited about Christmas, Jesus, don’t get me started on Jesus…..”

The man was angry and he made flipside scared, so we ran away with thoughts turning towards which Christmas jumpers we would buy in Primark this year, before concluding we would just wear the same ones we got three years ago as they were still pretty legit.

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