Published on March 5th, 2017 | by Flipside0
City council bosses announce plans to turn Edinburgh into “one massive hotel”
Edinburgh City Council have announced plans to turn the city into “one massive hotel”.
Bosses say that the plan makes sense given that tourists and students dominate the area anyway.
They say it will also stop everyone moaning about the weather, which will be regulated by a huge air conditioning system, as well as ensuring that riff-raff from nearby commuter towns such as Livingston and Rosyth are kept well away.
Council planners say the idea first came to them when developing plans to turn the St James’ shopping centre into luxury accommodation.
They hope to have the expanded development finished by 2025.
A spokesman for the council said: “The reasons for doing this are clear – Edinburgh’s only decent for around five weeks in the summer – the rest of the time its windy, miserable, and just ridiculously dark.
“This plan ensures that it can stay the same all year round, and we can keep tourist numbers as high as possible.
“As shown in Trainspotting 2, there’s also bits on the edges of Edinburgh that ruin the idyllic image of it as the most beautiful and culturally rich city in the UK. We’ll be making sure nobody from those edges gets in to the hotel, with strict swipe card access.”
The hotel is expected to cover Bruntsfield, Marchmont, most of New Town, and the ‘good bits’ of Newington, with a first class section to be built around Morningside.
The council is currently discussing methods of annexing the artisan restaurants in Leith, without involving the more shoddy bits.