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Local

Published on January 15th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Class of 2018 graduation ceremonies to take place in Hugh Rob bunker

Current 1st year students at the University of Edinburgh have been informed via MyEd today that they will be graduating in the Hugh Robson Building’s infamous bunker, rather than McEwan Hall.

The news comes as part of the University’s five year ‘downsizing’ plan to save money, which can then be invested into a range of unethical companies such as drone strike component makers and oil businesses.

The plan will see the Class of 2015 graduate in Usher Hall, the Class of 2016, Potterrow, and the Class of 2017, Appleton Tower. The Class of 2019 will simply be given a slap on the wrist and told to “fuck off” after their final semester at the university.

Speaking about the decision, University Principal Timothy O’Shea said: “A lot of people thought we had moved graduations from McEwan Hall temporarily due to renovations, but actually the long-term plan is to turn it into my pussay palace.”

O’Shea continued: “A lot of people will say this is disgustingly irresponsible; I just say c‘mon the boys. Oh, and yes, I did just correctly use a semi-colon in that sentence.”

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