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Science & Tech

Published on October 20th, 2013 | by Flipside

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Climate change “utter rubbish” says man in pub

According to almost every climate scientist alive, humans are causing dangerous climate change by burning fossil fuels. But Flipside can exclusively reveal that this is all total nonsense, because we’ve found a bloke in a pub who says so!

Bob Runk, an unemployed dustman from Leith, has detected a series of gaping flaws in the science, which show that the climate isn’t warming. Or maybe it is, but it’s natural. Here, for the first time, we can share his dossier of evidence against man made climate change:

> It was REALLY COLD yesterday.

> HIS MATE says it’s all volcanoes.

> PETROL is already too expensive.

> Scientists are all PONCY GEEKS who don’t know what they’re talking about.

> He DOESN”T BELIEVE humans could affect the weather.

> His heating bill WENT UP since last year.

> HIS DAD thinks it’s rubbish too.

Scientists clearly have no answer to any of these damning critiques. The only surprise is that the notion of climate change has lasted this long without such obvious errors being exposed. But no longer.

Prominent sceptic Nigel Lawson agreed. “This proves that you can’t trust scientists to tell you about science. Only politicians, men in pubs and people who work for oil companies will tell it like it is. People like me,” he added, waving a fifty pound note at the barman.

Peter Lilley, a Tory MP who is vice-chairman of a petrol company, concurred. “This vindicates our government’s policy of talking a lot about climate change but doing bugger all,” he said.

For the sake of balance, we attempted to contact some of those supposedly most affected by alleged climate change, but none of the polar bears we contacted were willing to talk to us. Damned by their silence, the science of climate change lies in tatters.

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