Published on November 21st, 2013 | by Flipside0
Compulsory light-bulb changing lessons introduced for all female Edinburgh students
As a direct result of The Student’s shocking revelations of female incompetence last month, a university spokesperson has announced that a new compulsory module entitled ‘Household Maintenance for Dummies ie. Women’ will be introduced for all female first-years in September 2014.
In October, a groundbreaking lifestyle article by Kat Moir entitled ‘The Flat Dilemma’ explained the differences between boys and girls by recounting the traumatic experience of living in an all-female flat. Moir detailed how she and her flat-mates were forced to live in the dark for weeks until a chivalrous father bravely rescued them from their own inability to simply change their kitchen lightbulbs. Critics across the university have hailed Miss Moir’s admission of female incompetence as ‘hilarious’ and ‘three steps forward for masculism’.
In preparation for the introduction of the new course, Flipside interviewed students on campus on their reaction to the article. “I can’t hide it any longer,” said an anonymous first year biology student staying in room 134, Lee house, Pollock Halls. ‘I’ve spent my whole life trying to pretend that women are as competent and intelligent as men, but the pressure was just becoming too great. It’s such a relief to finally be able to publicly acknowledge my own uselessness.”
In an introductory speech, the senior lecturer in charge of the new module has said, “This is a great day for us all: after over a century of foolish struggle for ‘liberation’, women are finally beginning to admit their inferiority. It is clear that women are incapable of living independently, and this course is vital to ensure that men aren’t forced to waste their time looking after women in future. Ultimately, our goal is that this course will undermine young women into giving up their pursuit of competitive undergraduate places which could be better spent on men who have the mental capacity to deal with adult life.”
Meanwhile, a survey conducted to discover how many members of the Feminist Society it takes to change a light bulb was dismissed as inconclusive after all the candidates broke down in tears.