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Politics

Published on October 1st, 2013 | by Flipside

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Conservative and Unionist Society to marry Diagnostics Society

After years of insisting that same sex couples could only have civil partnerships, the Conservative Society is to host Edinburgh University’s first same-sex marriage, it’s own. The Conservative and Unionist Society is set to marry the Diagnostics society in an intimate ceremony later this month. The news broke early this morning after the respective heads of each society held an emotional joint press conference on the door step of their thatched cottage.

The Diagnostics’ Chairman said, “We came to the decision that after years of fast living we had to settle down. We dated the Marxist Society for a while, but broke up after they asked us to stop wearing black tie because it ‘pushed the antagonism of the proletariat and the bourgeoisie to the extreme point’.” When asked for comment the Marxist Comrade said, “Firstly, we broke up with them. The reason? He was always saying these philosophical things about ‘class struggle’, and I’m a Marxist, not a philosopher.”

The Conservative representative was a bit more candid, “We enjoyed a nice dinner, and after a few bottles of red we just looked over at each other, through the candle light, and knew we had a connection.” When asked for more details he simply looked over at the Diagnostician, blushed, and the pair giggled at each other.

A EUSA rep said, stamping their feet, that this was a clear violation of Society rules and that they would not hold their peace when the priest asked if there was any impediment to the marriage. Local gossiper Kevin said, “I think EUSA are just not over the Conservatives, you can tell they’ve been playing hard to get with them for years now. That 6 foot high banner a while back with their faces on was just a cry for attention.”

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