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Politics

Published on March 19th, 2014 | by Flipside

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Conservative Party announce tax cuts for Cock-fights and Pork Scratchings

George Osbourne’s latest budget, dubbed ‘The Working Bloke’s Budget’ by no particular hetero-normative individuals, is to include cuts to underground cock-fights and packets of Pork Scratchings, after focus groups of privately educated Conservative Party MPs decided that these were definite vote winners.

A sanctimonious Labour MP, who would communicate only by leaking, revealed that they thought the advert was laughable, and “proved the party was out of touch. … Sent from my iPad.”

The Conservative party has been eager to appease commentators who claimed their shuffling towards the legalisation of Fox-hunting was classist, and decided that the best way to go about this was to legalise a ‘peasant animal sport’ that the ‘serfs’ were ‘gagging to have legalised.’

The apparent rise of populist bread and circus policies are thought to stem from a recent slew of Student Union politicians employed in the Conservative Party’s policy division. The hirings were recently lauded by Prime Minister David Cameron, who commented, “They seem to be much better at getting elected than Conservatives at the minute, so they must be on to something.”

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