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Published on October 30th, 2014 | by Flipside

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Conservative Party ban Halloween to curb handout-dependent culture

The Conservative Party have cancelled Halloween amidst fears that the popular practice of ‘Trick or Treating’ encourages dependency on handouts amongst young people.

Speaking to Parliament today, David Cameron said, “It is quite startling to think that every single year, children are allowed to go to other people’s homes on a cold autumn evening and demand food or snacks in return for little or no work. It’s worse than food banks.”

“Last Halloween I had a boy come up to my door claiming to be a mummy, but really all I saw was a poor person covered in toilet roll. I was about to call MI5 for help when I realised he was ‘ Trick or Treating,’ or in real terms, begging.”

“He told me some sort of joke, it was shit, and he expected food for it. I explained to him that isn’t how a Capitalist economy works and sent him on his way. He was simply the first of many. Some of them don’t even work for it; I at least want something to laugh at apart from the suffering of the poor if I’m going to give them some sweets.”

UKIP were fully in favour of he motion, with Farage adding, “It is said that an immigrant can live for up to 10 years on the supplies their children gain for them in just one Halloween trip. This cannot be allowed, it really cannot.”

Miliband pledged to oppose Cameron on this bill in every way he knows how, but then sadly conceded that he doesn’t know enough about politics to follow through on this threat, adding that the last time he tried to give sweets to children at Halloween he was reported by local parents to the authorities.

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