SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Entertainment

Published on January 15th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

David Cameron to ban Snapchat in attempt to conceal leaked nudes

Following David Cameron’s Monday morning speech condemning encrypted mobile communications apps, a Flipside investigation has revealed the true motivation for the Prime Minister’s attempted crackdown on Snapchat.

Sources have confirmed that, far from aiming to prevent terrorists using the app to plot atrocities, Cameron merely wants to prevent a full frontal nude of himself – with duck face – sent to former intimate colleague Rebekah Brooks from surfacing online.

Mr Cameron has denied claims that his app embargo is centralised around Miss Brooks’ rumoured lightning one-second screenshot talent, which according to sources close to the PM has been infiltrated by members of ISIS.

Miss Brooks has refused to comment on accusations that this kind of illegal secret acquiring is the reason her hair is so big.

In an effort to cool the speculation, Defence Secretary Michael Fallon made a statement early this morning:

“Snapchat, amongst other popularly used mobile apps, will soon be banned from public use. Following intelligence developments aiding our war on terror, we believe that the Islamic State Militants could be using Snapchat to communicate and organise various attacks.

“After much debate with MI5 staff members, the Prime Minister believes that banning this app is a far better method of deterring terrorism than discontinuing our current £12.3billion deals with repressive states worldwide, obviously.”

The potential ban of the popular app has caused chaos at Edinburgh University, with many students complaining that such a move would breach their human rights.

Overly infuriated Scottish History student Nick Surgeon said, “It’s a disgrace, first they take our freedom, now they take our Snapchat. Why aren’t we striking about this?”

At the time of publication Conservative spokesmen were refusing to comment on rumours that Tinder will be closed down unless Mr Cameron receives more matches.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑