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Politics

Published on July 15th, 2014 | by Flipside

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David Cameron to become woman as part of reshuffle

Despite moves to pack the reshuffled Cabinet with females, the UK electorate today still remained unconvinced that UK Prime Minister David Cameron broadly believes in women. So in a bold policy move, David Cameron has taken the momentous decision to become a woman himself.

Cameron will undergo the very personal operation this summer, reinventing himself as ‘Denise Cameron’ in time for Parliament to resume after recess.

Flipside political commentator Rob Nickinson reckons that the roots of this decision lie within the EU. “Look at Europe: you’ve got weak male leaders like Francois Hollande, and whoever’s running Italy this week, and then there’s Angela Merkel, bossing everyone around and posing for selfies with her World Cup winning team. Cameron’s been looking for ways to be more like her ever since he took office, and finally he thinks he’s found one!”

Other party leaders were unimpressed. “This is yet another policy the Tories have stolen from us,” said UKIP leader Nigella Farage, smoothing her hand down her firm new breasts. 

“Do you think this means they’ll stop making me wear dresses to cabinet meetings?” asked a nervous Nick Clegg, while Ed Miliband promised to make a decision about his own gender at some point closer to the election.

Perhaps the biggest sacrifice has been from Cameron’s wife Samantha, who is painfully aware that most Tories will not accept a gay marriage for their leader.  From September, therefore, she will become a muscular bricklayer named Barry.

This dramatic cull of male members among the Tory party has left other senior Tories fearful for their jobs. We asked several of them for an interview, but Georgina Osborne, Michelle Gove and Wilhelmina Hague were all unavailable for comment.

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