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Commentary

Published on April 18th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

‘Democracy Only Relevant When We Get What We Want,’ Declares Elected Government

 

Despite overwhelming public support to name the next British scientific research vessel ‘RBS Boaty McBoatface’, Science Minister Jo Johnson (Wanky McWankface, younger brother of London Mayor Poshy McPoshface) has said the result may not stand. Boaty McBoatface received over four times as many votes as the second placed name in an online poll, but the government, in keeping with their disdain for ‘those stupid fucking plebs’ have said they want a name that better reflects their hatred of those outside the top tax-avoidance bracket. Despite a string of embarrassing revelations for the Tory party that have been largely swept under the rug, the public believe this would be a step too far.

Prime Minister Hammy McHamface argues that giving some boat a silly name may reflect badly on Britain within the international community, but asserts that putting one’s penis in the head of a dead pig, trying to cut disability benefits and supplying oppressive regimes with weapons is ‘pretty much par for the course if you want to be in government.’

In a statement, McHamface said: ‘Everyone loves a good joke, but for something as serious as naming an inanimate object, it’s clear that people can’t be trusted. Some of you must have voted Labour, so it’s clear you can’t be trusted! What next? You’ll be asking if you can have a say in whether or not we leave the EU, and Scotland might try and elope again. We can’t have that – let the adults make the important decisions, you can go back to playing Bingo, listening to Coldplay and watching the Eastenders. That’s the sort of thing you people like, isn’t it?’

Flipside offers a few alternative names for the vessel:

RBS Brexit Distraction

RBS Hypocrite

RBS Sinky McSinkface

RBS Fuck Democracy

RBS George Osborne (Cunty McCuntface)

RBS Jeremy Hunt (Devil McDevilface)

Titanic II

 

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