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Published on April 25th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Student Nails ‘Exact’ Word Count for Fourth Assignment in a Row

A student at the University of Edinburgh has marked the handing in of their dissertation by simultaneously setting a new-record for word calculation bullshit.

Fourth year philosophy student Alex Leonards commented,

‘What can I say I have a gift. The ability I possess, to structure and deliver my argument to the exact word-count specification is almost supernatural. I definitely did not used to waste precious hours and pull all-nighters removing words such as ‘that’, whilst endlessly restructuring sentences with a Sisyphean determination, before realising they never probably check it anyway.’

‘Leonards continued, ‘So yeah, four in a row. It’s quite an achievement. I’d put it on my c.v. but it would push it on to a third page and I couldn’t bear to see that happen.’

Leonards philosophy tutor Prof Edwin Hume said,

‘I know he’s at it. They all bloody well are. If I cared I could easily check but I couldn’t give two fucks. What do we have here? His dissertation is exactly 8000 words? Well blow me down. I’m not even going to read it all, I’ll skim the introduction and conclusion and then base the final mark on my opinion of them as a person. Business as usual.’

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