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Published on January 25th, 2018 | by Flipside

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Disney Land Paris Opens New Water Park

A controversial move from Disney Land Paris to open a new water park in the heart of the city has backfired; with much of the city centre becoming flooded and normally grumpy residents now being also quite grumpy.

A spokesperson for Disney Land Paris commented:

“The plan was so simple. We were going to flood the Seine and use the natural consequences as a big chance to turn the city centre into a water park. But this appears to have backfired with no one wanting to go on the goofy boat rides and very few takers for the Floating Tea Cups. Splash Hill also hasn’t been that popular. Yes, we understand that baguettes have gone soggy, snails have been drowned, but think of the new habitat for the frogs. We would say sorry but can we please remind people to watch Coco, it is so good and you won’t be angry at us after seeing it.”

Flipside can only apologise for this slightly racist depiction of what the cheese munching French care about.

One local resident Jean-Paul Pierre Moustache Beret the third had this to say (not to be read in the hilarious stereotyped French accent):

I cannot believe Disney think they can get away with zis, zey will knew the wrath of the French people and zey will quivering with fear.” He then paused to light a cigarette (whilst the lighting turned to noir), “I wez going to paint some fantastic impressionist masterpiece zis evening, but instead I will just have to drink myszelf into a stupor. Fuck America and their Disney nonsense, the pig fuckers should stay away from zis town.”

Flipside then pointed out that former British Prime-minister David Cameron also fucked pigs and Jean-Paul-Pierre-Moustache-Beret laughed a cold and humourless laugh.

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