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Politics

Published on November 29th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

Dunblane To Become Independent Following Davis Cup Win.

Following the instrumental performances of both Andy and Jamie Murray in the Davis Cup Final, it has been agreed that Dunblane can become independent from everyone, so it can go on and win the Davis Cup by itself one day.

British Prime Minister David Cameron said, “Look, we are not saying the whole of Scotland can become independent just because of two guys, and yes Scottish players and a Scottish coach won us this trophy, but that doesn’t mean Scotland can claim the credit. We must give it to Dunblane. That little shithole is on the map now, and we wish the boys the best of luck. I have already had this conversation with wee Nicola and she agrees that it is only fair the rest of Scotland earns its independence – Dunblane certainly has with its efforts today. Just to clarify though, it will definitely say Great Britain on the trophy, not Dunblane. Just to clarify.”

No one was surprised when Alex Salmond appeared from nowhere to streak on red clay, draped in nothing but a saltire flag, screaming “freedom” as he ran. When apprehended, Salmond explained he wasn’t there at all, as he was actually at a debate on Syria. Classic drunken naked Salmond, thinking he is at the politics when he is really off doing other random shit.

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